So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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