He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
