after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
