By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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