I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize