remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
