You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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