I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
