I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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