ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They took my balls.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dear god my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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