Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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