Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
