all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
