if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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