I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
