oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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