There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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