my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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