I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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