Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
