the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
