you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize