shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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