I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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