do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
