WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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