do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone signed my nipple.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
