i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i out mim tonsoeep
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