i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
