why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
