Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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