I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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