I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
