Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He kissed a someone with a penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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