I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mom said you looked used
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
