My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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