Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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