Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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