So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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