Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
