So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize