i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize