He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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