I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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