I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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