Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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