My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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