Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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