I want to have your abortion
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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