Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize